When I use a word, it means exactly what I want it to mean, no more and no less.

Dude is very flexible. It can be used as an intensifier (“Duuuude”), can refer to a man (“a dude”) or can be used to refer to someone (“Chill, dude”). For the latter case, some people object, saying that dude is not gender neutral. I think if you want to be considerate you should use a different word for these people, but I can’t find one I like in general.

Ideally I want something monosyllabic with a long vowel I can stretch out. “Pal” and “mate” are both words I use when I’m pissed at somebody, so those are out. “Girl” is a possibility for girls and has the opposite problem for men, but might work better than a generic for transgirls. I already use “yo” for hello, so I could just repurpose it – for most phrases I don’t actually need a word that refers to someone. Younger people also use “fam” and I think I could probably switch that out in most places.

I think you can use “Hey, guys” to refer to a group of guys, a mixed group of guys and girls, or even a group of solely girls. On the flipside, you can also use “Hey, girls” for a group of guys you’re good friends with – this, like “Hey, ladies”, has the implication “quit catfighting”, for the same event where you’d say “yes, you’re both pretty”. I like “Hey, y’all” as a neutral term. Sometimes people get annoyed about “y’all” not being a native Britishism but I already use “gotten” so that ship has sailed.

Most groups I’m in don’t care about this, so I just use whatever they use. There are some things I can’t do (one of my friends refers to girls as “darling”), but I try to speak like others when I can, and when the thought of changing how I speak doesn’t piss me off.